Sarcastic Gastronaut Pillows

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

Ethnic food springing out of a menu.

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

Fuels paradise.

"The Mashed Potato Casserole with Creamed Spinach, Baked Egg and Garlic is half price tonight, sir. It's horrible."

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

"How was the food sir?"

"You know what would compliment this meal? A nice vintage milk of magnesia"

"Telling me how nutritious it is doesn't make it taste any better."

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

'I'll have a BLT sandwich -- hold the 'B'.'

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

'I like home cooking if it's in someone else's home.'

A woman looks at the menu posted in the front window of a restaurant; a nearby sign reads "Free gluten".

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

'Excuse me, ma'am, there's a fly in my...'

'I couldn't get the beans out of the toaster.'

Signs you're becoming annoying on a really, really long road trip.

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'

"Why didn't you bring a cardigan or lightweight jacket?"

'Still it can't be any worse than last year, I never thought we'd have to suffer a 'traditional lacto-vegan' Christmas dinner.'

Would you like to start by complaining about an appetizer? Or are you ready to go ahead and complain about a meal?

"He was only here as a visitor, but collapsed when he saw the car park charges."

'I found this Happy Meal to mildly amusing at best.'

'That mink-lined surprise he promise me - it was an apron.'

'You're a decent chap, Holdsworth.'