Sarcastic Gastronaut Pillows

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

Ethnic food springing out of a menu.

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

Fuels paradise.

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

"The Mashed Potato Casserole with Creamed Spinach, Baked Egg and Garlic is half price tonight, sir. It's horrible."

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

"You know what would compliment this meal? A nice vintage milk of magnesia"

"How was the food sir?"

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

'I'll have a BLT sandwich -- hold the 'B'.'

'I like home cooking if it's in someone else's home.'

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

"Telling me how nutritious it is doesn't make it taste any better."

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

A woman looks at the menu posted in the front window of a restaurant; a nearby sign reads "Free gluten".

'I couldn't get the beans out of the toaster.'

Signs you're becoming annoying on a really, really long road trip.

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'

"Why didn't you bring a cardigan or lightweight jacket?"

'I found this Happy Meal to mildly amusing at best.'

'Still it can't be any worse than last year, I never thought we'd have to suffer a 'traditional lacto-vegan' Christmas dinner.'

'That mink-lined surprise he promise me - it was an apron.'

"He was only here as a visitor, but collapsed when he saw the car park charges."

"So is this the fun part, or will there be even bigger bugs sticking to my face soon?"

'You're a decent chap, Holdsworth.'