Sarcastic Food Critic Pillows

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

The transparent safe box of Panama

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"White Collar Prison"

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'People soup again?'

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

'If only you would let me cover this Tofu-vegetables stuff with ketchup, it would at least LOOK like real food...'