Sarcastic Food Critic T-Shirts

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

The transparent safe box of Panama

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"White Collar Prison"

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'People soup again?'

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'If only you would let me cover this Tofu-vegetables stuff with ketchup, it would at least LOOK like real food...'

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'