Sarcastic Dinner Guest Pillows

'Is everything satisfactory, madam?'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

"I feel like I'm cosplaying as a salad bar."

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

'What's your favourite operating system?' - 'I don't have one.' - 'Well, you killed that conversation.' - 'It deserved to die.'

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"The Mashed Potato Casserole with Creamed Spinach, Baked Egg and Garlic is half price tonight, sir. It's horrible."

Didn't we fire you last week?

"If you need me, I’ll be in the living room clawing the bejesus out of that Navajo rug you just picked up at auction."

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"I'd recommend this."

'It seems the environment people, the health department and the food and drug administration all have reservations about his place.'

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

"...and you!? Did you like yours?"

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

'That's four million, one hundred and eighty straight misses, Mr Fenson. Your shooting has gone all to hell.'

'I'll have a BLT sandwich -- hold the 'B'.'

"The name refers to the seating, not the cuisine."

'Sorry, dear, but upon advice from my attorney, I decline to give you an opinion on your Creamed Tarragon Flounder.'

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"