Sarcastic Book Lover Pillows

"I wrote it strictly for the reviews."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Do it yourself books.

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Graffiti artists signs his memoirs in bookshop.

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

Tree Funeral

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

How About Serving Us For a Change

"I don't want to insult your intelligence - I imagine that happens enough as it is."

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

Have you ever read Dickens, minion? No. Businessman of the Year. Armstrong Maynard. How about Upton Sinclair? John Steinbeck? Who? … Marx? Mark's what? Thank you for reminding me why I hired you, minion. Can I take my weekly lunch break today instead of Friday?

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

Loserville Next Exit: Try not to miss it this time.

Tell me, how do you fit into the scheme of things here?

'Good book?'

The canteen food's pretty awful...

'I may scream at you occasionally. Pay no attention. I may rant and rave...pay no attention...I may even fire you occasionally. PAY ATTENTION!'

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

Know-it-alls

I'm buying last year's car today with next year's money.

"No, I don't wanna read your damn blog."

Not a good day - he's counting paper-clips.

"You were always my favorite to guilt-trip."

Pet shop with recipes stand outside.

'Don't get worked up - that's one you didn't bail out.'

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'

'I needed a little guidance on bulk pricing strategies... are you LISTENING?'

Book Publisher. Editor. It's perfect! A history of toasters as a pop-up book.

Robot Bombs: A One Time Thing, Right?

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."