Sarcasm Specialist Gifts

'If it's any consolation, our lack of business innovation will be the subject of analysis in some of the finest M.B.A. programs in the country.'

'I'm afraid your complaining is chronic.' - 'I want a second opinion!!'

Clancy:Survey Question

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

'As we all know, the appearance of honesty is the best policy....'

"My family likes to set up our grudges at Thanksgiving, stew over them through December, then take our revenge at Christmas."

"Afterwards, you'll be receiving a survey. Anything less than a 10 is considered a failure."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"If at first you don't succeed, there's always litigation."

"What are you writing?"

'Thought he was God's gift to women. We decided to return him.'

"And then to cap it all I get home to find a letter telling me that I'm EXTINCT."

"Of course it's a stupid sign, but you wouldn't believe how much money it brings in for city hall!"

Hmmmm! looks like a bad case of 'foot in mouth' I'd cut down on rash statements leading to embarrassing climbdowns until you're feeling better.

"Then he said, 'Oh yeah, tough guy, well, what are you going to do about it?'"

'Your staff meetings certainly give employees a motivational boost!'

"Legal and accounting were O.K. with it, but I had trouble getting it past archery."

No child onboard. Don't drive carefully.

'He should be okay, it's just a little tap on the head.'

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

"What are you talking about? I've got lots of stupid people skills! I'm a people person you turtled headed snot nosed twit faced jerk!"

"It's simple, really. You're a team member when you want something. You're an employee when I want something."

'I don't think he's taking this fight seriously enough.'

'My health has been ruined by too much drinking to other people's health!'

'I DID work out today, doc. Sitting all afternoon in your waiting room was a real exercise in frustration!'

'I don't yell at your father when he slams the refrigerator door because it's the only exercise he gets.'

'Would I be safe in assuming we've reached the end of my performance evaluation?'

'Hey, fellas, I wouldn't do that if I were you. He can be really dangerous when provoked!'

'So, in closing, let's all say with as much sincerity as we can, 'Oh, what a darling kitchen!''

Sharp Tongue.

'I did not receive your letter, and besides I didn't like the things you said in it.'

'It bothers me when I sleep on my back.

'...You have notoriously dull problems.'

'Morning Madam, why the long face?'

'When I said it was ironic that you're wearing a 'jumper' I was just trying to cheer you up.'