Santa Sass Gifts

"I've been pretty good. Which I'm sure you'll agree is good enough for all but the most tyrannical extremist."

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Maybe there is something in all this global warming stuff.'

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

What will the little one be? Epidemiologist? Virologist? PPE manufacturer?

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

"That would've gone better if I'd gotten here with my gift list instead of my spelling list."

"Maybe this year..."

Dec. 26

'After thousands of miles and millions of homes, I finally get to rela...'

Kringle: The Decca Years

'When did your breezy disdain turn into sneering condescension?'

"The lost password department's that way."

"You can't possibly have winter cabin fever! Winter just officially started a couple days ago."

The Bi-Polar Express.

Santa asks man if cholesterol is naught or nice.

Santa refused to go mountain climbing with Snowy ever again.

'Ferguson always was an overachiever.'

'I must be getting older. I tried to make an adorable remark to mom yesterday, and it came out all smart-alecky.'

Santa Yoga

"Hold on fellas! It looks they're in need of my expertise."

'...and this year I can do without the usual 'nice new toothbrush.''

Santa sits in the waiting room of a Weight Loss Clinic with other large people.

Countless cookies and glasses of milk don't mix well with Toledo turbulence!"

'I think it has something to do with global warming.'

'Santa Clause would never of fitted through that fireplace, so I've widened it.'

'Father Christmas regrets to inform you that your application for presents has been unsuccessful on this occasion.'

'Dirt? You want dirt for Christmas this year?'

'-if it wasn't you at 'Toys-R-Us then it was your double!'

Twas 6 days before Christmas when Santa heard a ker-plunk! He rushed to the door, and found the ice cap had shrunk...

'We decided it's our best protection against liability suits.'

Cranston called in sick ... said he's got the 'Bah, Humbug'.'

He's just been told that due to increased infrastructural costs we're being relaocated to Swindon.