Santa Myth Debunker Gifts

No one cares any more whether you believe in Santa or not...these days it's all about climate change!!

Punk Reindeer

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

"It's creepy thinking that Santa can sneak into my house undetected. I must find out how he does it!"

"I'm like most people, I guess––a mixture of good and bad."

'I mind my mother, and I do my lessons, and I'm here for the quid pro quo.'

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

Santa Elevator

'No, it doesn't have to snow for Santa to get here. He probably drives a big four-wheel-drive SUV ... '

'Trick or treat.'

'Son, you're old enough now to know, there's no such thing as Christmas.'

It happened on Christmas Eve

'With all those presents Santa carries, do you think he packs heat? . . . And maybe he's not really fat, but he's wearing a kevlar vest.'

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

"I want my job back."

I brake for Jetliners.

'I don't really believe in Santa Claus anymore, but I don't want to disillusion my parents.'

About Santa 2017.

"Another one asking me to fix the climate crisis."

"Wow! My calculations show that on Christmas night, Santa Claus will visit 1 house every .83 seconds!"

Don't fly and text.

'I'm facing unemployment! The world is running out of nice kids!'

"It's unrealistic for us to have a chimney, tree, or stockings, so you can forget about Santa."

'My dad, says you're not the real Santa. He said, you're just some fella off the dole.'

"I want to cancel my 3 o'clock and my 4 o'clock, and oh! I want to cancel my 1:30!"

'That stuff about elves helping me is a lot of baloney. I have a research center in Silicon Valley and an electronics plant in New England.'

Santa: 'Of course I'm a vampire! How else could I have lived for 300 years?'

'He sees me when I'm sleeping, he knows when I'm awake...'

'I'm going to tell him I've been good on the chance that my reputation hasn't preceded me.'

"Well... I don't believe in you either!"

'I just love the holidays. It's such a happy time of year!'