Sandy Showman Gifts

'Show off!'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

Billy, can you deliver your show 'n tell this time without the fog machine?

Jarvis Cocker

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"Congratulations on your entertaining presentation skills Smith, and the way they hide your dismal sales figures!"

"It also doubles as a karaoke machine."

'I suppose if we had some money we could buy sand from each other.'

Jerry's dancing dogs

Magic Accident

The Abominable Showman...

"Yes, Your Honor, I'm Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

'Can you do anything else?'

"I promised myself I would never let this happen to me."

"Wait a minute... You're not Warren Gurkenman the famous actor, but his stuntman?!"

'So let this be a lesson to you Courtney, 'there's no people like showpeople!''

'I seek an audience with the king.'

'I love appearing on stage. My only regret is that I can't be in the audience to fully appreciate my work.'

Elvis

"Miss Rudolf... you're pregnant!"

An interview with Codlin and Short

'I've received celebrity status!'

"The safest way back into the charts is a dramatic death after a party with girls, booze, and drugs!"

'You doubtless remember my speech last year...'

"It's a letter from Bruce. He's touring in Europe with Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show..."

P.T. Barnum caricature.

'Let me guess, you're going as a vampire again this year?' 'Let me guess, you're a punk rocker again this year?'

'Now that's what I call a trickshot!'

"If that book is gonna deposit hundreds of grains of sand into our bed later tonight, it better be damn juicy."

Penn and Teller

The giants waiting on the dwarfs

Punch in the churchyard

'Piano Player'