Sandy Showman Gifts

'Show off!'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

Billy, can you deliver your show 'n tell this time without the fog machine?

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"Congratulations on your entertaining presentation skills Smith, and the way they hide your dismal sales figures!"

"It also doubles as a karaoke machine."

'I suppose if we had some money we could buy sand from each other.'

Jerry's dancing dogs

Magic Accident

'I seek an audience with the king.'

"Wait a minute... You're not Warren Gurkenman the famous actor, but his stuntman?!"

The Abominable Showman...

'Can you do anything else?'

'So let this be a lesson to you Courtney, 'there's no people like showpeople!''

"I promised myself I would never let this happen to me."

"Yes, Your Honor, I'm Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"Miss Rudolf... you're pregnant!"

'I love appearing on stage. My only regret is that I can't be in the audience to fully appreciate my work.'

An interview with Codlin and Short

"The safest way back into the charts is a dramatic death after a party with girls, booze, and drugs!"

'I've received celebrity status!'

'You doubtless remember my speech last year...'

P.T. Barnum caricature.

"It's a letter from Bruce. He's touring in Europe with Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show..."

'Let me guess, you're going as a vampire again this year?' 'Let me guess, you're a punk rocker again this year?'

"If that book is gonna deposit hundreds of grains of sand into our bed later tonight, it better be damn juicy."

'Piano Player'

Global Warming

The giants waiting on the dwarfs

'Now that's what I call a trickshot!'

Punch in the churchyard