Salmon Lover T-Shirts

'You must learn that not everybody is a salmon.'

"It's my family coat of arms, Joe-smoked salmon couchant on a field of cream cheese."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"He's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes...like a DOLL'S EYES!!"

Pampered and poodled.

Your lobster was off!

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

The Jolly Green Giant Squid

'Why do I need to clean the fish? -- Didn't you just take them out of the WATER?'

'Fancy a liquid lunch?'

Civilized Salmon

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

'It's a common misconception, but it's always been three fishes.'

'Diver caught scallops - is that a description of what happened or a compound adjective'

"Oh, but we could be so good together...!"

"What are you talking about? We don’t even have a toilet seat!"

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

'Diet considerations.'

"Yes, we're stranded here... but think how healthier we are eating nothing but fish!"

Dali Chooses a Lobster

Man indignant at having caught no fish

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

"Who ordered the bravest tuna on all the seven seas, anointed with the spice of faraway lands, on wheat toast?"

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'