Saleswhisperer T-Shirts

'That dog's so greedy - it's only an hour since the last salesman called!'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Children's education

Opening the door to new customers

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"Stop squawking. Use your words."

'Now go out there and sell yourself!'

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

'Almost finished.'

'We need to target the rich and stupid.'

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

"Our brand is about talking about our brand."

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

"He works well with everyone except customers and co-workers."

'Then again - no pain, no gain.'

'Stocks fell on the perception that stocks would fall on the perception that stocks were falling.'

'We're projecting a profit, but not within our lifetimes.'

"It's important to see 'beyond the obvious' when you look at a customer. . ."

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

"You say there's a dip in the market?"

'Stay on all fours. That way you can pounce on new consumer wants.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist pump."

'I see you have a stock market/body connection.'

Brad seizes upon a hot trend in marketing: personal pop-up ads.

'Boy, are the markets getting sensitive, anymore.'

'Are you hiding something from me?'

'Mom, Dad, it's nice of you to visit me at the store, but you know, I am working.'

"Don't worry Sir, you're not the first person to ask for a refund and you probably won't be the last!"

"Like Facebook, I have also changed our company name so that it will be more clear and transparent to our customers who we are and what we do."

"The meaning of life is cats."

"I'm getting subtle hints of what the Fed might do."