Sales Season Strategist T-Shirts

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"Mine's the same,Bert - d'you suppose the Sales are on?"

Larry's used art

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

Sales.

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

Gerald Ratner's return

"Post holiday sales look similar to the crater that killed the dinosaurs."

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

Brick Salesman

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

Competitior Sales - "Now I come to the feel good factor"

'Jones, somewhere out there, we've lost our common sense. I want you to go and bring it back.'

'Well Miss Hayward, your suggestion of trying Feng Shui didn't work.'

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

'If you don't pay us, I'll tell all your creditors you have.'

Entertainment systems

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

Sinking sales

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"