Sales Strategy T-Shirts

'You are lucky, I've already refused to see five salesmen this morning.'

"Let's make stuff and sell it to people."

'I have good idea of how to improve our sales team.' - 'Great, when are you leaving?'

"I've been salesman of the year three years running. Buy the car or I'll your pants up over your head."

"For Christmas, Santa is bringing sales in at plan."

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

"To be honest, sales have been quite disappointing."

'Don't settle for niches when you can have segments.'

"Yes sir, sometimes scent advertising works very well. But you sell fertilizer."

'Our marketing was really focussed, unfortunately it was focussed on 32 year old bachelors from Swindon called Colin.'

Optimists have a large profits charge.

"My hunch is heads will roll."

"Is that all you have to say about my big plan to increase sales in the Christmas period: Why don't we just skip Christmas and go directly to groundhog day?"

Larry's used art

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

Sales.

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

"Post holiday sales look similar to the crater that killed the dinosaurs."

Gerald Ratner's return

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

Brick Salesman

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'Jones, somewhere out there, we've lost our common sense. I want you to go and bring it back.'

Competitior Sales - "Now I come to the feel good factor"

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

Entertainment systems

'If you don't pay us, I'll tell all your creditors you have.'

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.