Sales Strategists T-Shirts

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

"This is not the curve we need flattened!"

Death from a salesman.

"I went to the sales for a toaster, but they is all they had left!"

'I tried to meet the sales goal but alas! It fought like a mule and it bit like a crocodile!'

"Are you any good at closing a sail."

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

Larry's used art

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

Sales.

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

Brick Salesman

"Post holiday sales look similar to the crater that killed the dinosaurs."

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

Gerald Ratner's return

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'Jones, somewhere out there, we've lost our common sense. I want you to go and bring it back.'

Competitior Sales - "Now I come to the feel good factor"

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

'Well Miss Hayward, your suggestion of trying Feng Shui didn't work.'

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

'If you don't pay us, I'll tell all your creditors you have.'

Entertainment systems

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

'Rabner is tops in customer retention.'

Sinking sales