Sale Savvy T-Shirts

'I guess it was inevitable.'

"That's the last time I go to a sale and yell: 'Wow! 95% off!'"

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

Fred and Nancy believed that their mutual love of a good sale would be enough to overcome 'the species issue'... but they were wrong.

Despite the economic downturn, sales are as good as ever.

'Almost finished.'

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

'Sell South Africa!'

'The difference between the sexes...First Contact...'

'Let me through - I've a bargain for a nose!'

Man bombarded by sale adverts in the media

Last Chance for Everything.

Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Ve

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

The company's marketing strategy became increasingly sophisticated.

'I'd add 'UK' to your name and do it in big red letters...that'll be £15,000.'

"And the best feature of this shoe is you'll look Athletic even if you're not."

Look at these silly doorbuster promos for flat-screens and webcams. So? Tree's Trees. I'm not battling Black Friday traffic for a few bucks off junk I don't want. I hope someone does. I'm offering half off poinsettias for the first 25 customers. Tree's Tree Nursery. They're my gatebusters. Junk plants no one really wants.

Cash Rebate

'Shove' (at big sale).

"I am in training for the sales."

'I tell you, Angela, there's no sight sadder than a desperate adhesives salesman...'

Nethead strip: Sale.com

'They say gemstones have properties for relieving stress. . . once you get past the stress of paying for them.'

'Setting a low bar helps us to consistently exceed our expectations.'

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."

I'm sorry - could you run that past me again?

Winter Sale

"If I'm not being too personal, how much do you pay for a cord of wood?"

"We don't waterboard prisoners any more. We just lock them in a room with a used car salesman."

'What's our policy on begging for sales?'

'Hey we just hit our sales goal...for 1978.'

"I'm afraid the turnout isn't as high as we'd hoped, three of them misheard the date; five got the time wrong and everyone from sales went to a hotel in Scarborough by mistake!"