Salary Savvy Gifts

'The US firms are crushing us acquisitions finance...lockstep is the problem...'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"I just..."

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

"We thought this was more realistic."

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"So you're interested in medicine, public relations, business, contract negotiations and insurance law? Which one will you study in school?"

'He's an attorney. He came with the software package, to verify software licensing compliance.'

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

"Do you know that we saved a ton of money on legal fees by being more ethical?"

'In a cost-saving move, I've replaced your cubicle with a back pack.'

'From here I can monitor world stocks, or attend overseas teleconferences, unfortunately I can't get out though because the door's stuck.'

Money down the drain.

"Sometimes I don't think you're listening to me!"

'I'd add 'UK' to your name and do it in big red letters...that'll be £15,000.'

"Have you heard something that the rest of us don't know about?"

The first unfriendly takeover

'Sir, there's a taxpayer who knows his rights, to see you.'

Portrait artist drawing DNA patterns.

'We can still rise to the occasion but, in light of bad press, just not in the company-owned plane.'

CEO, 'The buck stops here & becomes part of my next bonus'.

'If you only knew what your money costs us!'

Smile you're on camera! You're also on my podcast!

'I didn't write the report. I printed it directly from the Internet, but I did all of the stapling and collating myself.'

Wall St. Glitterati

"I never ask for a raise any more. I just hack into the boss's computer and give myself one."

"I tend to get more done when I leave self-loathing off the to-do list."

I've seen your salary requirements, now I'll tell you your market price.

Build a better mousetrap and the IRS will beat a path to your door.

"I suppose I'll be the one to mention the elephant in the room."

'Of course, like everything for kids, some assembly is required.'