Salary Satire Pillows

' I earn a six-figure income, if you count those two little numbers after the decimal point.'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'This is Bob - our secret agent of change.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

Death Boss

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

Boardroom cream pies.

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'A word in my office Jones.'

'While I'm not looking for the typical 'Yes Man', I want a man who finds it extremely difficult to say 'No' to my suggestions.'

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

Imagine there's no office...

'I wanted you in a position where I felt you could grow.'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

'And along with your promotion you get a key to the executive bedroom.'

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

"Here - I've no use for spreadsheets where I'm going."

"Nothing personal, I just wanted to see if I still had it."

'Your request for a motorcycle as your company car was rejected. However, I'm not totally unreasonable. Enjoy!'

'Corporate Sydney'

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

"May I remind you that I'm still in charge here, Baskin. And when I say, 'Jump,' you say, 'How many floors.'"

Perfection Troubleshootors.