Salary Satire Gifts

' I earn a six-figure income, if you count those two little numbers after the decimal point.'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

Death Boss

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

Boardroom cream pies.

'A word in my office Jones.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

Imagine there's no office...

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'

'While I'm not looking for the typical 'Yes Man', I want a man who finds it extremely difficult to say 'No' to my suggestions.'

'I wanted you in a position where I felt you could grow.'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

'And along with your promotion you get a key to the executive bedroom.'

'Corporate Sydney'

"May I remind you that I'm still in charge here, Baskin. And when I say, 'Jump,' you say, 'How many floors.'"

'Your request for a motorcycle as your company car was rejected. However, I'm not totally unreasonable. Enjoy!'

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"Nothing personal, I just wanted to see if I still had it."

'Gurkenman! The fact that you've got a height-adjustable desk does not mean that you've been promoted into a higher position!'

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

"It's a letter from my boss. He says he's not paying me for the time I've been stranded on this island."