Salary Satire Lover Pillows

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

One good thing about the salary, you won't be liable for income tax.

"Being God just doesn't pay as much as you'd think it would."

'Money doesn't grow on trees you know!'

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

Occu-Pie Mars

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

'That's our mission statement.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

UK/US Free Trade Deal

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

Do Not Resuscitate

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Trump pardons

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

Oligarchy

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"Away with the warmonger!"

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

National Everything Awareness Day

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'You can just forget about the cake.'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.