Salary Review Gifts

"I'd like a 150% rise."

'You get paid for what you produce at work not what you produce at home.'

"So do I take it that's a 'NO' to the pay rise?"

"Ah, Miss Frimley! It must be salary review time again!"

"Tell R&D that I'm going to reinstate their benefits - quick!"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

The Evolution of the Bonus

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

'We like your zip-a-dee. You need to work on your dooh-dah.'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

'Don't worry about it. If at first we don't succeed, we can do it later and get paid time-and-a-half for it.'

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

I'm not making enough money to like you.

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Listen Herb, once you become the boss and decide who gets a raise, then you can have a raise."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

Sales - "Any other suggestion besides getting a bigger chart?"

Business Target

"A great quarter always puts the old man in a jocular mood."

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'