Annual Bonus Review Gifts

"Since when did the bonus program default to passing the hat"

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

'Now, if you would all put on your glasses, we'll get a glimpse of our profits in 3D.'

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'Guess who made a bushel today?'

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"It's time for your performance review where I damn you with faint praise."

"So do I take it that's a 'NO' to the pay rise?"

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

"Our company is going to embrace cutting edge change...that's why the room is full of old white guys waiting for me to load a motivational video into a VCR."

'Looks like no cash bonus this year.'

"Let me level with you. I am a lecherous, incompetent, alcoholic, overpaid, sexist senior executive. The company has put me in your way to test your countervailing potential."

"Before we start our wages negotiation talks, the lads would like to congratulate the chairman on his 83% salary increase."

'The bank's grown, and we hope you'll grow with us.'

loan

Falling Prices

'I'll have a big bonus please.'

'I think the global banking sector, drunk on years of excessive bonuses, may need a little more than your 'very angry' T-shirt to make them toe the line.'

'Lately I've detected an alarming disinterest in your work.'

'You get paid for what you produce at work not what you produce at home.'

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'