Job Review Gifts

'You're out here because you're supposed to receive a performance review? I'm out here because I'm supposed to give one!'

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

",,,and what's more Pearson, it hasn�t gone unnoticed that you're not meeting deadlines"

"Eighty percent may be just showing up, but the rest is staying awake."

"What makes you think I've been napping at work?"

'I've reviewed your performance, Henderson - and I think it's time we tossed you a bone.'

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'You were hired to do multi-tasks, Hawkins, but I'm waiting for you to even do one task well!'

'The boss just chewed me up and spit me out...'

Janice had the feeling her boss didn't like her.

"We liken our business to a nursery Smithers. Unfortunately, we see you as more of a ground cover than a climber."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

'We like your zip-a-dee. You need to work on your dooh-dah.'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

I'm not making enough money to like you.

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

"Listen Herb, once you become the boss and decide who gets a raise, then you can have a raise."

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

Sales - "Any other suggestion besides getting a bigger chart?"

"A great quarter always puts the old man in a jocular mood."

"You need to stand up for yourself, or at least sit up straight."

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

Targets.

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

Working 9 to 5.