Job Evaluation Gifts

'You get paid for what you produce at work not what you produce at home.'

"You've screwed up, messed up and played up. I didn't realise you were so multi-skilled."

'I can show you in our panic room while you're waiting to see the boss.'

"Bummer, I guess your brilliance stopped compensating for your complete lack of social skills."

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'Your performance review is in...and it's not good.'

'Treat me easy this morning.'

"I'm getting tired of telling you you can't have a raise!"

"All the latest technology seems to indicate you stink at your job."

"Simpson, your second evaluation is Tuesday. This time wear a suit with pants."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"Compare Calculate Contrast Before you make a move"

Sales.

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

Find out that man's name and give him a rise.

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

"You seem to be balancing your workload well."

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

'The boss just chewed me up and spit me out...'

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'

'Whose idea was it to use enron as a benchmark?'

",,,and what's more Pearson, it hasn�t gone unnoticed that you're not meeting deadlines"

"Your first thirty days is a probationary period. Following that, we'll review your performance and consider giving you a cubicle with a door!"

"Yes, you do go the extra mile for this company. But you've been going in the wrong direction."

'I've reviewed your performance, Henderson - and I think it's time we tossed you a bone.'

'In this company, you're either 'Employee-of-the-Month' or you're fired.'

"Frankly, your performance has been spotty."

Thanks For Not Firing Me Cards

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"