Job Evaluation Pillows

'You get paid for what you produce at work not what you produce at home.'

"You've screwed up, messed up and played up. I didn't realise you were so multi-skilled."

'I can show you in our panic room while you're waiting to see the boss.'

"Bummer, I guess your brilliance stopped compensating for your complete lack of social skills."

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'Your performance review is in...and it's not good.'

'Treat me easy this morning.'

"I'm getting tired of telling you you can't have a raise!"

"All the latest technology seems to indicate you stink at your job."

"Simpson, your second evaluation is Tuesday. This time wear a suit with pants."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

Sales.

"Compare Calculate Contrast Before you make a move"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

Find out that man's name and give him a rise.

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

"You seem to be balancing your workload well."

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

'The boss just chewed me up and spit me out...'

'Whose idea was it to use enron as a benchmark?'

",,,and what's more Pearson, it hasn�t gone unnoticed that you're not meeting deadlines"

"Your first thirty days is a probationary period. Following that, we'll review your performance and consider giving you a cubicle with a door!"

"Yes, you do go the extra mile for this company. But you've been going in the wrong direction."

'I've reviewed your performance, Henderson - and I think it's time we tossed you a bone.'

'In this company, you're either 'Employee-of-the-Month' or you're fired.'

"Frankly, your performance has been spotty."

Jeff hated performance reviews.

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"