Job Appraisal Pillows

'We value you in ways that cannot be expressed in money.'

"It's way too cerebral. What were you thinking?"

'Well done Flipper, you seem to be balancing your workload well.'

"The quality of your work this year has been good, but concerns have been raised about your 'sense of urgency'."

'Within the last months, you worked perfectly and I've got nothing to blame you for. Do you hate me for something in particular?'

Ssomething tells me this award has gone to his head!

'I've read my appraisal and this is my solicitor - I intend to sue you!'

"Yes, you do go the extra mile for this company. But you've been going in the wrong direction."

"I have to tell you Jim. Your position is under serious review right now!"

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"Frankly, your performance has been spotty."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

Peacock of Productivity

Find out that man's name and give him a rise.

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

"You seem to be balancing your workload well."

"I've had you appraised."

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'

'The boss just chewed me up and spit me out...'

"I'm getting tired of telling you you can't have a raise!"

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

",,,and what's more Pearson, it hasn�t gone unnoticed that you're not meeting deadlines"

'I applied the instant rebate and the returning customer loyalty reward, so that comes to fifty cents.'

"Your first thirty days is a probationary period. Following that, we'll review your performance and consider giving you a cubicle with a door!"

'I've reviewed your performance, Henderson - and I think it's time we tossed you a bone.'

'You get paid for what you produce at work not what you produce at home.'

"You've screwed up, messed up and played up. I didn't realise you were so multi-skilled."

'I can show you in our panic room while you're waiting to see the boss.'

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

'Treat me easy this morning.'