Salaried Employee Gifts

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'That's our mission statement.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

21st century water cooler conversations.

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Work/Life Balance

Do Not Resuscitate

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings