Safety Stylish Pillows

'I thought it was a personalized license plate saying text us.'

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

Man using to much bug spray

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

On the brink.

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

Baby on board.

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"I've had it with the helmet mandates."

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.