Safety Sitch Sleuth Pillows

"Next time you have a hand warmer in your backpack, just say so. People get rattled when you say you're packing heat."

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Clickbait

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

Experts through the ages.

The Modern Godot

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

'Gimme all your cache!'

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

"It's the age-old question of our existence, Bill: 'Why does bad data happen to good computers?'"

'Okay - Let's crash that bad boy.'

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

Secret Service Dogs

"If I don't think it's going to work, will it still work?"

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

"I think they're beginning to suspect our science is fraudulent."

Two men converse secretively

I'm loving the phone hacking scandal. I love it when ne'er-do-wells use technology to steal personal information. Because you like when people suffer. No. Because I love it when technology is proven as evil. Spare me. Technology is not evil. People are evil. Computers don't hack people. People hack people. Macs hack, Macs hack! You watch your mouth, filthy human! Fight, fight …

'Roughly translated it says 'Can't remember the code to get into your pyramid? Call Pharaoh Locksmithing.'

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

What security flaw?

Artwork in a gallery still has wet paint.

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

Gone Phishing

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."