Safety Instructor Gifts

"How can a hands-free phone be dangerous? I just don't see it!"

Vacuum salesman has accidentally sucked up the baby during a demo - '...And now let me demonstrate the incredible suction power of the Supa-Vac...'

Safety - Heimlich Manoeuvre.

'This is Tom's second speech on how to hunt safely. Unfortunately, I missed his first speech.'

"Okay scouts, that ends today's online soldering session!"

"First, locate the pin on your extinguisher..."

'Just say no to ch-e-e-s-ee!'

Driving Habits - Past and Present.

Sand danger

'How to clean a loaded gun.'

"Remember, coat that's furry not to worry. Pitchfork, shovel, deadly trouble."

"What are you lookin' at? Never seen a routine fire drill before?"

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

Executive ignores wet floor warning and slides down hall

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

Time Out For Teddy

'Mind you don't wake the baby.'

'Take us to your crash test facilities. We're here to liberate our compatriots!'

"We'll get there when we get there!"

No caption (A crash test dummy in the shape of a bird flies toward a window. Other birds dressed as scientists study the experiment from the ground).

'Mum...Dad's barbecued his face again.'

"The crash-test rating on this puppy is off the charts!"

"I don't care why you crossed the road! I do care however about "how" you crossed the road: without checking for cars first!"

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"The sign ruins our surprise attack, but it's a big OSHA fine if we don't have it."

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

Crash Test Dummy Blues

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

Job Safety - Hardhat.

Caution: ironic literal proverb ahead (fork in the road)

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

Nuclear waste.