Safecracker Fan Gifts

"Try twenty-three left."

"Send ME to bed early, will they?"

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'Mommy -- Jimmy just wrote his first computer virus!'

"Really! A firecracker! Test his nerves! Where do you come up with these stupid ideas?"

'We'll have Bubba here check to see if we've idiot-proofed your computer.'

Nutcracker Desk Organizers

Want to hear a secret? Every time they put a nut in my mouth, I give it a little lick.

"You know, he's not nearly as scary close up!"

"You know what burns me up? I deliberately kept my life uneventful, and I got old anyway."

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

'If a hacker steals all my information from my health records do they keep my health problems too?'

Mouse King

"Infecting their computers with the Pillage&Plunder Virus just doesn't give the same satisfaction as actually doing it."

"Isn't that adorable? He learned that in Karate class."

Safety first - be aware of what is around you.

"Travel changed me."

"I think we're named after computer passwords."

"Oh, I forgot that you missed the meeting. Our data security team added some new protection when accessing patient data files."

'We've given up on anti-virus software in favour of this!'

Smart people learn from experience - other peoples'.

It's 'safety first' for Gary the goat.

"It's okay. I'm still ranked at the top of my class in self-esteem."

Animal Crackers. What a mess! I have to check them all. The box says "Do not eat if seal broken" --- Does this look like a seal to you?

Dr. Ernie answers your questions about aging. A reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, what will deteriorate fastest as I get older?" Medicare.

Specialising in Multiple Personality Disorder

Opportunity to demonstrate optimistic attitude

'You need a better password. Everybody will be able to guess you password as 'woof'.'

The Guru has left this location after discovering the secret to happiness is better cell phone reception.

"Only thing he can't crack is why his wife would just up and leave."

Nutcracker going home

Putin and some Russian hackers

'Wow, I'll earn my black belt in no time.'

"Hey! Who put gas in this bucket?!"

We know your e-mail address!