Christmas Cracker Fan Gifts

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

"There's gotta be a way to make money off this."

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

Santa's wash day.

'Egad! It's the ghosts of sanity past!'

"Hi, my name is Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "And I have a drinking problem." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph."

Phil gets a head start on his holiday decorating.

'My whole life, I've felt like I've been running from something...'

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

Father Christmas stuck on plane wing

"Well I don't know how they fly when I can't!"

Safety first - be aware of what is around you.

Turkey Sandwich anyone?

"I love Boxing Day"

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

Rudolph's after-Christmas job

'Halloween, Thanksgiving, and at last it's really you...the Big Enchilada!'

Baaaa....humbug.

"Our lawyers are adept at spotting dodgy clauses.."

"It suddenly occurred to me - what was all this giving, giving, giving all the time?! How about doing some taking for a change?"

'Santa's blotto.'

It's a girl!

'I'm glad that's over! After the last six weeks in the store, I'm never gonna have any kids!'

Caterpillar and stockings.

'Tell me more about this strange man...'

"It's time we have a little chat."

"I'm the ghost of christmas past due."

"And the boss says to enjoy the fruitcake."