Safecracker Enthusiast Pillows

"Three turns to the left to the second number, one turn to the right of the 4th number, 2 turns..."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

'Where was the TSA?'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

A Little Extra

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

Boy whistling at crackers.

"These targeted ads are getting out of hand."

'A bachelor's? Big deal - I have a MASTER'S degree in enlightenment!'

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

CCTV in church.

"Get used to verifications. In the court of the internet, you are presumed a robot until proven otherwise."

"I think retrieving the info from that harddrive might be a little tricky."

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'You're getting older... it's a common complaint.'

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

A mental-health spot quiz, Al: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single … Google search of travel websites"?

Chameleon humor...'I never metamorphosis I didn't like...'

"This is Alexander. He’ll be heading up our hacking division."

The Ayatollah Bomb?

"Are you sure you updated the anti-virus software?"

10 Commandments if God was a Woman...