Sacrificial Storyteller Gifts

Liberty's Sacrifice

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

The new boy was teased for being different.

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

'He did it for us.'

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

"Since both of us believe in reincarnation, what if I pay you all the money I owe you in the next life?"

'How would you like a fairy tale wedding before I eat you?'

Not a good day - he's counting paper-clips.

"I hope they read the fine print that the audiobook is to be voiced by Morgan Freeman."

The canteen food's pretty awful...

"You were always my favorite to guilt-trip."

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

"The oracle demands the sacrifice of a virgin or an update of its operating system."

"I'm a pastor. My job is to speak 20 minutes on Sunday and listen the rest of the week."

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'

'I needed a little guidance on bulk pricing strategies... are you LISTENING?'

"I admit - as papercuts go it's quite a serious one."

Robot Bombs: A One Time Thing, Right?

"Hmmm...says here that you were in charge of your church's Puppet Ministry."

Lohengrin

A man in hospital is exposed to Covid-19

"Who cares? The emperor is really buff."

'Police! Snow White we have complaints about your relationship with 'Grumpy', and one 'Dopey' some ten years ago.'

Less than Ultimate Fighting.

"One of his employees won the lottery!"