Sacred Texts Pillows

'Is there an E-Reader Edition?'

John Bunyan

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Christian and Born again Christian...

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

Holy Bible

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"Is there an audio edition?"

"Regarding your letter of next Monday ... "

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

"No, it's not a to-do lost."

'Please hold your applause until I've read all ten.'

"Could you speed it up a little, the 'Seinfeld' marathon starts in five minutes."

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

"I would take out the curse words, but otherwise I think it's fine."

"Believe it or not this is the original stack of bibles that I perjured myself on."

"We only have the Bible."

Safer Torah

Abraham sacrifices Isaac

"I couldn't put in down boss. Hard hitting, straight to the point..sure to be a best seller."

"Old Testament prop comic."

Monk on PC.

Even in retirement, Moses kept his 'chops' up.

"If you used a smaller font they would all fit on one tablet."

'Really? - You wrote these with ME in mind?'

"And now, if I may, I'd like to put You on hold for a moment while I have a few words with Mammon."

Dead Sea Trolls

'There's something wrong with my stomach.' - 'Keep your coat buttoned and nobody will notice.'

'There's a lot of non-fundamentalists getting in here, Lord- we need a fence to keep them out!'

"Ha, ha. I'm just messing with you. Ha, ha. Don't bless all our reps in Congress."