Reading Religious Texts Pillows

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

"And now, if I may, I'd like to put You on hold for a moment while I have a few words with Mammon."

Even in retirement, Moses kept his 'chops' up.

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

John Bunyan

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Is there an E-Reader Edition?'

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

Meet the Author

Jesus breaks the bread.

Holy Bible

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

"Well no, Ed. Jonah's fish probably wasn't as big as the one you caught in the state fishing tournament."

Joseph and the Coat of Many Colors.

"Two for Bethlehem, I assume you want a Virgin flight."

'I'm building an ark because the polar ice caps are melting.'

Pastoring for Dummies

Best Seller of All Times...The Holy Bible:'No fair. You're creating your own readers.'

'Please hold your applause until I've read all ten.'

"And you thought you were having a bad hair day."

"We only have the Bible."

'You can lead a horse to water, Ezra, but you can't...?'

"Believe it or not this is the original stack of bibles that I perjured myself on."

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

"I think it means this is how they treat you 'In Rhode Island'."

'Can you get them on an e-reader?'

"Is he gonna read the ENTIRE Book of Psalms!?! C'Mon!!!"

"I think we'll put it out as a self-help guide."

Peter denies Jesus three times.

"If you used a smaller font they would all fit on one tablet."

"Woo! Three new followers!"

"One of you shall betray me - Four of you shall get book deals."