Reading Religious Texts Pillows

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

"And now, if I may, I'd like to put You on hold for a moment while I have a few words with Mammon."

Even in retirement, Moses kept his 'chops' up.

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

John Bunyan

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Is there an E-Reader Edition?'

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Meet the Author

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

Jesus breaks the bread.

Holy Bible

"Well no, Ed. Jonah's fish probably wasn't as big as the one you caught in the state fishing tournament."

'I'm building an ark because the polar ice caps are melting.'

Pastoring for Dummies

'Please hold your applause until I've read all ten.'

"And you thought you were having a bad hair day."

'You can lead a horse to water, Ezra, but you can't...?'

"Believe it or not this is the original stack of bibles that I perjured myself on."

"We only have the Bible."

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

'Can you get them on an e-reader?'

"Is he gonna read the ENTIRE Book of Psalms!?! C'Mon!!!"

"I think we'll put it out as a self-help guide."

"If you used a smaller font they would all fit on one tablet."

"One of you shall betray me - Four of you shall get book deals."

"Woo! Three new followers!"

Jesus always enjoyed a day on the water fishing.

"What do you mean 'Gluten-free'?"

"Eve, how come every leaf has fallen except yours?"