Sacred Text Scholar Pillows

"Believe it or not this is the original stack of bibles that I perjured myself on."

"If you used a smaller font they would all fit on one tablet."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

John Bunyan

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"I've got writer's block."

"You call this a constitution?"

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

The World's Biggest Book Club

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'Is there an E-Reader Edition?'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"What did Jesus order?"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"Boss, you can't be serious! This can't be paradise. . . there's no football and no pubs!"