Saber-toothed Tiger Admirer Gifts

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Eat my dust!"

As the world emerges from the last ice age Ug & Og discuss a historic agreement to reduce CO2 emissions from woolly mammoth barbecues.

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"Well, if you didn't do anything in North Korea, then why do they keep launching missiles at us?"

"Say, Honey, how about a nice salad for supper instead?"

'Why is it always me that has to put the cat out?'

"We haven't danced in ages."

You'll see the food is excellent, but the service is far too slow....

Mammoth Posing

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

Tortoises breakdancing

"You are going to meet a beautiful young lady at a biology lesson. . ."

'Cole Porter has the lyrics checked'

"I'm not kidding: I am feline too and I do love swimming!"

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

'So much for the 'Eye of the Tiger'.'

Tiger

'Well, shoot. Now Uncle Hector's caught in the ice! It's enough to make you want to move to Florida.'

Brexit Tortoise

"Mine, I believe, is the Green Jacket."

'Do you ever get this weird, primitive yearning to sit behind a large block of wood?'

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

Celine Dion

'You've got me all wrong, baby. I don't want to touch your sweater...I want to eat it.'

Freedom of the Press

"As cats go, my Bertie's always been a little slow on his feet, but then again, that's a tortoise shell for you!"

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

'You got a search warrant?'

You have to hunt a different one

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...