Saber-toothed Tiger Admirer T-Shirts

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Eat my dust!"

As the world emerges from the last ice age Ug & Og discuss a historic agreement to reduce CO2 emissions from woolly mammoth barbecues.

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"Well, if you didn't do anything in North Korea, then why do they keep launching missiles at us?"

"Say, Honey, how about a nice salad for supper instead?"

You'll see the food is excellent, but the service is far too slow....

'Why is it always me that has to put the cat out?'

"We haven't danced in ages."

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

"You are going to meet a beautiful young lady at a biology lesson. . ."

'Cole Porter has the lyrics checked'

"I'm not kidding: I am feline too and I do love swimming!"

Tortoises breakdancing

Mammoth Posing

'So much for the 'Eye of the Tiger'.'

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

'Do you ever get this weird, primitive yearning to sit behind a large block of wood?'

Tiger

'Well, shoot. Now Uncle Hector's caught in the ice! It's enough to make you want to move to Florida.'

Brexit Tortoise

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

'You got a search warrant?'

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

"As cats go, my Bertie's always been a little slow on his feet, but then again, that's a tortoise shell for you!"

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

Philip of Mastodon

Freedom of the Press