Rustic Foodie Gifts

'Once we escape poverty we won't have to eat any more of this single-batch artisanal wild-produce crap.'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"If you're tired of stegosaur, go kill something else."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"That's it. We’re toast."

"You're the lid to my pot."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

How about going easy on the carbs

'A wheel? No wonder I broke a tooth. I thought it was a donut.'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

Advocado

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

Famous Jewish Blues Singer Series.

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Flying sauces.

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"