Rust Worrier Gifts

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

I hate monday mornings.

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

Typical...the weather is lousy all week...then on the weekend it's too sunny to work.

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

Things that go beep in the night.

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

I think I have a gilt complex.

'Ten things you should be worried about.'

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

'I'm not convinced you need tranquillizers to switch phone provider.'

"Oh, for crying out loud, Lou... just go in the water!"

Weather reporter feels guilty every time it rains.

"We have to recognise that severe weather events are becoming more common. . ."

"Hurry up and pick that lock. I'm hungry and it's freezing out here."

"If you're so worried about the effect of your mobile phone on your sperm count maybe you should just use it less!"

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"The cause of your illness is the approaching winter."

"Remember when I told you rust might become a problem in the future?"

"With rain in nearly every forecast, probably because of global warming, you know what's coming...so officially, we are now News & Sports at Six."

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

"I know there's safety in numbers, but I suffer from enochlophobia: Can you help me?"

'He spent yesterday being briefed on the threats from a cyber attack...'

'Read that part again where it predicts a cold, snowy winter for the midwest...'

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

'Mrs Fenton, next time we have a neurotic snowman booked, get the payment up-front!'

"I hear that march is coming in like a lineman and out like a lamb...I just wanted to be prepared."

It was a bad day for Mr Effervescent

I called Laurel an hour ago and she hasn't called me back. Do you think she still likes me?! Ahh! Now it's an hour and one minute! Love is a beautiful thing.

'No, I've never yet broken any swimming records, why do you ask?'

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"