Rural Nostalgist Gifts

'I should've never sold my truck when I moved to the city.'

Farmer's Office Cubicle

"Your shepherd, Louie, has retired. I'm Mr. Smathers. I will be your grazing-resource coördinator and flock welfare-and-security manager."

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

'Yes, we have a very diversified economy around here.'

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

"Ok Lassie, cut out the smart arse bit and just herd the sheep."

Boy, this stuff's hard to swallow!

I love the way barbecues take you back to nature.

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

Welcome to the urban farm. A bit of country in the city.

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

'If only Darwin could have seen this!'

I've been doing sit-ups!

'My practice is limited to small animals, Sir....'

My parents had a mutual love of grass.

"Well, well, looks like we got ourselves a coupla city types here, and a couple more city types right behind 'em, and a whole mess o' city types transferrin' to the Queens-bound F train."

Slow, Men at Work.

'Wilbur, I'm afraid the patient is no longer in stable condition.'

"Quick! Get your gun, Pa! Here come the suburbs."

"I'd better get a hit country song out of growing up this way."

'Are you paying in cash, check, credit card or livestockfarm produce?'

Anyone seen my horns?

'That's the sign of a good painting!'

over crowded car.

"Sweet! He upgraded with a cup holder!"

'Now that we've got a new bull, is he the calf's stepfather?'

'Rorschach multiple-choice test'

"We must be in the Village."

'Why don't you try to think outside of the trough once in a while?'

'Boy, Mommie, I'm sure glad you're not a working mother.'