Rural Nostalgist Gifts

'I should've never sold my truck when I moved to the city.'

Farmer's Office Cubicle

Cow jumping over the moonshine.

"Your shepherd, Louie, has retired. I'm Mr. Smathers. I will be your grazing-resource coördinator and flock welfare-and-security manager."

Twitter that!

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

'Yes, we have a very diversified economy around here.'

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

"Ok Lassie, cut out the smart arse bit and just herd the sheep."

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

Boy, this stuff's hard to swallow!

I love the way barbecues take you back to nature.

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

'If only Darwin could have seen this!'

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

Welcome to the urban farm. A bit of country in the city.

'My practice is limited to small animals, Sir....'

I've been doing sit-ups!

'Wilbur, I'm afraid the patient is no longer in stable condition.'

"Well, well, looks like we got ourselves a coupla city types here, and a couple more city types right behind 'em, and a whole mess o' city types transferrin' to the Queens-bound F train."

Slow, Men at Work.

"Quick! Get your gun, Pa! Here come the suburbs."

My parents had a mutual love of grass.

I suppose industrial pollution is the price of progress, but I still miss that old world atmosphere.

"I'd better get a hit country song out of growing up this way."

'Are you paying in cash, check, credit card or livestockfarm produce?'

over crowded car.

Anyone seen my horns?

"Sweet! He upgraded with a cup holder!"

Junior's switch to electronic chewing tobacco was short-lived.

'That's the sign of a good painting!'

'Now that we've got a new bull, is he the calf's stepfather?'

'Rorschach multiple-choice test'

"The middle of nowhere was too dead for us, so we moved her to the outskirts of nowhere where there's a lot more going on!"

'Boy, Mommie, I'm sure glad you're not a working mother.'