Rumour Enthusiast Gifts

'I never give away a secret. I exchange it for another.'

Noticeboard with 'latest scandal and rumour update'

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

"They grow up so fast."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

UK border controls relaxed.

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

reincarnated worm...

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

The height of fashion in 1796

Create some buzz!

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

'She's so put together!'

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"I don't like the looks of that!"

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

Meet the Enemy

"We're suing you under equal opportunities legislation for failure to represent our rights"

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."