Rumour Enthusiast Gifts

'I never give away a secret. I exchange it for another.'

Noticeboard with 'latest scandal and rumour update'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

Support the Ex-Troops

"They grow up so fast."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Pretty Flowers

Torturing the English Language

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

UK border controls relaxed.

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

The height of fashion in 1796

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

reincarnated worm...

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

Create some buzz!

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

'She's so put together!'

"I don't like the looks of that!"

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Meet the Enemy

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'