Rule Rewriter Gifts

'You don't think 10 Mission Statements is a little bit excessive?'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

'At Tesmer holdings, we don't break the rules! We change them!'

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

And if the ball is completely unplayable...

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

Bureau of the Budget. If we serve alphabet soup, we can count it as a lunch program and a literacy program!

Fun on the pyramids

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

"He was right, you know - a queen can move as many spaces as she likes."

Baseball Rules Conference. The actions of this runner are prohibited by the current rules. Next slide, please.

"The changes in the rules for risk management will turn the industry on its head."

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

'My ambition is to discover the Great American Loophole.'

'Never shoot straight up.'

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'

"I'm afraid he's right-there's nothing in here about slobber balls."

'Don't look at me like that! I know it's a banned substance, OK? But how can I compete if I'm the only one in the league not using spinach?!'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

"I was acquitted."

'I thought you said inflatables were allowed on the beach.'