Rule-bending Riffraff Gifts

"Calm down, I'm just using the rules of modern competition."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

I will not talk in art class. I will not talk in art class. I will not talk in art class. I will not in art class. I will not talk in art class.

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

'So who's smoking?'

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

"Here's a buck, kid... Don't tell your mom I snuck out of my retirement home!"

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

Bureau of the Budget. If we serve alphabet soup, we can count it as a lunch program and a literacy program!

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

Fun on the pyramids

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

"Let 'em try to regulate this!"

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

'Never shoot straight up.'

'When you grounded me to my room, you said no TV or computer. You never said I couldn't build my own bike.'

'My ambition is to discover the Great American Loophole.'

"I'm not fishing, I'm hunting."

"I'm afraid he's right-there's nothing in here about slobber balls."