Rule-bending Riffraff T-Shirts

"Calm down, I'm just using the rules of modern competition."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

'So who's smoking?'

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

"Here's a buck, kid... Don't tell your mom I snuck out of my retirement home!"

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

Fun on the pyramids

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

'When you grounded me to my room, you said no TV or computer. You never said I couldn't build my own bike.'

'Never shoot straight up.'

'My ambition is to discover the Great American Loophole.'

"Let 'em try to regulate this!"

"I'm not fishing, I'm hunting."

"I'm afraid he's right-there's nothing in here about slobber balls."

'Don't look at me like that! I know it's a banned substance, OK? But how can I compete if I'm the only one in the league not using spinach?!'