Royalty Realist Gifts

"Trust me, princess...fairytale endings aren't all they're cracked up to be!"

'I can't do anything about the poor getting poorer, but I'll be glad to keep the rich from getting richer!'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"We'll always have Paris..."

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

'How about a game of cards?'

"He's a guard dog."

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

Czarcasm

'How about a game of cards?'

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

'I can't finish -- may I have a peasant-bag?'

Marriage least expected to last...

'Gunboat diplomacy won't work, sire -- we're landlocked, remember?'

'Well, nobody can say you haven't grown in office.'

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

A Zircon Is Forever

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'