Royalty Buff Pillows

Our succession plan is we don't talk about it!

Bug King

'Did I tell you about the power behind the throne?'

Edward I

'I like your style - How would you like to do some public service announcements?'

"Being a King Charles spaniel doesn't give you a divine right!"

"He gets all his news from us."

Humpty Dumpty worried about malpractice lawsuit.

God save the Queen.

'He threw his back out trying to balance the budget.'

'I was a bank clerk, and one day I charged the King $17.50 for a bounced check.'

Rule of thumb.

'Sure, you got a mandate from the people, but that was 37 years ago!'

'Well - Is our offshore account okay?'

Surprise at the Royal Wedding

"Things have been quiet for some time in your line of work."

"There goes your knighthood."

"What the hell is a jack?"

"Now that we've got your head back on, let's move to the next bit of business."

"Stilton's the king, Camembert and chèvre are landed gentry, and cheddars are the serfs, you know."

"It is we."

"Why, this is fit for me!"

"What time do you get off work?"

"'An embarassment of riches.' Where did we learn this expression?"

"Would I lie?"

Cash for Knighthoods

"So it's a TV show, two words. . ."

"We downsized."

"I've decided an out-of-court settlement."

"On the one hand, we don't live in a democracy. On the other hand, we don't have a problem with voter fraud."

Football Royalty

'Oh, that's Mordred -- I'm treating him for Arthur-itis.'

'Could you loan me five billion till I can float a bond issue?'

'Your majesty we're willing to send you back if you promise to join the euro.'

'The Burrito King.'