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'Let's face it, we've been getting desperate for new titles.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

Wicca Heritage Centre: Hansel and Gretel stayed here.

Fairy Library - Cinderella Marries the Prince

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

Rapunzcow

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

Fairy Library - Hop o' my Thumb Title Page

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

"One blackbird pizza?"

Alice in Wonderland - Alice Meets the Cheshire Cat.

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

Who's Dead

"I told you not to hold your breath when comping up!"

"I forgive you, Bumpty."

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

"When they assured me the solar panels would look like crackers, I said "What the hell!"'

'I can't believe this: We spend all our time hiding from humans, but they keep on publishing stories about us anyway...'

"Must go now Zelda. The builders have just arrived"

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

'Neat photo Lucy, I'll put it up in my room... Do you have any drawing pins?'

William Tell in his younger years.