Royal Shopper Gifts

"It makes me feel better about myself."

'We had a huge tax surplus, and then she discovered eBay.'

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

'Now that's an afro!'

'She's so put together!'

"I think I've found the most comfy jeans."

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

King George I

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

The Unhappy King

'French hypermarket' ' 5 English or less' till

"If there's any one lesson we've learned from the eighties, it's how to shop!"

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

"Seriously, you can't balance the budget with cushion change."

'Henry, we can't begin to make progress unless your friend leaves the room.'

'He'll stop being so smug when he gets his first dent.'

"Perhaps a cozy scarf to go with the hat?"

Royal Love

''Depression'? -- You or the country or both?'

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

"To be fair, I think you should be very clear about the ground rules with your next jester."

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'She's on the trail of a pair of Jimmy Choo's.'

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'