Royal Jesters Gifts

"Damn!"

'Frankly, Yorick's big comedy comeback tour's a disappointment.'

What's Lady Godiva's name doing on the visitor's log thirty-seven times?

'Do you have an appointment?'

'Well, I hope you're satisfied -- I had Lady Godiva arrested, and Parliament impeached me!'

'You know your team of expert lawyers? -- they defected.'

'Make sport of the Queen.'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

Richard the Turd

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

Pie chart of pub conversations

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

'I take it his performance review went well.'

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

Pumping up wig in blender.

'Can we have a table near a handsome man please?'

"Maybe this will make you less of a jerk!"

"Good news, your majesty. We may already be a winner."

Intimacy - Breeding Ground for Mutual Grooming.

'He's so behind the times - his Hot Line is rotary!'

"To the most beautiful girl in the world... Happy Valentine's Day!"

'It certainly is a big one!'

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

Looking for a cool cat.

'You and your 'Hey, don't worry, the King is going to love this April Fool's joke'...'

'Yes, they do contain e-numbers - But they're e-numbers that make you feel amorous!'

'I'm not complaining, but the last time you took me out to dinner, Colonel Sanders was a brunette!'

"Nice shirt. Is it made of boyfriend material?"

"You're not going to eat me are you? Have you never heard of mad worm disease?"

"I thought he was about to be knighted, too, didn't you?"

"This personal lubricant has an expiration date of 2025 - just saying."

'Actually, my wife wouldn't LET me have any last words.'

"Run for your lives! The sea level is rising at the rate of about 1 foot per century!"